The Heart of the Matter: A Call to Deep Self-Reflection for February
February often brings thoughts of love, hearts, and relationships, particularly with Valentine’s Day at its center. But this month also presents an opportunity to go deeper—to reflect on the condition of our hearts and the intentions behind our actions. The heart is not just the seat of emotion; it is the wellspring of our character, choices, and relationships. What we allow to dwell in our hearts shapes the trajectory of our lives.
Examining the Wellspring of Life: Proverbs 4:23
Proverbs 4:23 teaches, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” This verse serves as a call to be mindful of what we allow into our inner lives. In a world filled with noise, distractions, and competing priorities, guarding your heart requires deliberate action. Take a moment to ask yourself: What occupies my thoughts and shapes my motivations? Are my habits, relationships, and goals leading me toward greater integrity and peace, or are they draining my joy and focus?
Guarding your heart doesn’t mean closing yourself off. Instead, it means curating what you nurture within: thoughts that build up, habits that foster growth, and values that reflect your truest priorities.
As someone in my second marriage—and my husband’s second as well—this verse has taken on a deeply personal meaning. We both carry lessons from our past, including moments where we failed to guard our hearts and allowed bitterness or unrealistic expectations to take root. Now, we approach our relationship with greater intentionality, prioritizing honest communication and mutual encouragement to protect the love we’re building. However, it hasn’t been an easy journey.
We often find ourselves struggling with communication—an area where both of us are works in progress. Misunderstandings happen, and sometimes it feels like we’re speaking entirely different languages. There have been times when unresolved conflicts lingered far longer than they should have because neither of us was willing to be the first to soften. Yet, these moments also remind us why guarding our hearts and working on our relationship is so vital. Each day, we’re learning to approach disagreements with more grace, leaning into our shared commitment to grow together rather than apart.
Confronting the Truth About Our Hearts: Jeremiah 17:9-10
“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward each person according to their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve” (Jeremiah 17:9-10). This passage invites us to take a hard look at the hidden motivations and biases that influence our decisions. It’s easy to believe we’re acting with good intentions, but self-deception is often lurking beneath the surface.
True growth begins with honesty. Are there areas of your life where you’re holding onto bitterness, pride, or fear? In my own journey, I’ve had to confront lingering doubts and insecurities stemming from my first marriage. These emotions didn’t just disappear when I remarried; they needed to be addressed and worked through. Journaling, praying, and seeking wise counsel have helped me unpack these layers and approach my current relationship with a healthier perspective.
One specific moment stands out: early in my second marriage, I realized I was quick to react defensively during disagreements, a habit formed from past wounds. It took deliberate effort to recognize this pattern and choose vulnerability instead of self-protection. Even now, I’m not perfect. There are days when old habits resurface, but with each conversation, my husband and I are learning to navigate conflict in ways that bring us closer rather than pushing us apart.
Redefining Love: 1 Corinthians 13
Love is a dominant theme in February, but it’s worth reflecting on what love truly means. 1 Corinthians 13 provides a timeless definition: love is patient, kind, and selfless. It doesn’t envy, boast, or delight in wrongdoing. This kind of love goes beyond fleeting feelings or grand gestures. It’s a daily commitment to show kindness, extend grace, and seek the good of others—even when it’s difficult.
In marriage, this definition of love is a constant challenge. I’ve learned that love isn’t always about grand romantic gestures; it’s in the little things. It’s choosing to forgive when an argument arises, offering encouragement after a hard day, or simply being present. My husband and I have found that our relationship grows stronger when we focus on these everyday acts of love. For example, we’ve started a habit of sending thoughtful texts to each other—a simple gesture that reminds us of our love and appreciation, no matter how busy the day gets.
Still, we’re far from having it all figured out. There are days when exhaustion or frustration makes kindness feel like an uphill battle. But those are the moments when we remind ourselves of what love truly is—not just a feeling but a choice to show up, even when it’s hard.
Finding Security in Unchanging Love: Romans 5:8
Romans 5:8 declares, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” This is a reminder that our worth isn’t tied to our achievements or the approval of others. It’s grounded in the unwavering love that God has for us.
When life feels uncertain or relationships disappoint, anchor yourself in this truth. Reflecting on the depth of this love can inspire gratitude, resilience, and a renewed sense of purpose. In my own life, this has been a source of comfort during times when I’ve struggled with feelings of inadequacy or fear of repeating past mistakes. Knowing that God’s love is constant helps me navigate both the joys and challenges of marriage.
One particularly challenging season for us was when we dealt with a major health scare. It would have been easy to let fear create distance between us, but we chose to lean into God’s promises and support one another. That experience strengthened our bond and deepened our faith. It also reminded us that our relationship’s foundation isn’t perfection but perseverance.
Steps Toward Heart Alignment
Deep self-reflection doesn’t stop with awareness; it calls for action. Here are practical ways to realign your heart and intentions:
Practice Stillness: Carve out time each day to disconnect from distractions and reflect on your thoughts and feelings. Silence can reveal what’s been ignored or buried.
Choose Growth: Identify one area where you want to improve—whether it’s patience, generosity, or self-discipline—and take concrete steps toward it.
Forgive Freely: Holding onto grudges weighs heavily on the heart. Forgiveness isn’t about excusing wrongs but about freeing yourself from their grip. In my marriage, this has meant letting go of past hurts and focusing on building a future together.
Celebrate Gratitude: Make a habit of acknowledging the good in your life. Gratitude shifts focus from what’s lacking to what’s abundant. My husband and I often share what we’re thankful for at the end of each day, which has strengthened our bond.
Invest in Relationships: Reach out to loved ones with intentionality. Deep connections often require vulnerability and effort but are richly rewarding. This includes prioritizing quality time with my spouse and showing up for family and friends.
Build Rituals of Connection: Create small but meaningful traditions that foster closeness. For us, this includes a weekly “date night” where we unplug from the world and focus on each other.
Closing Reflection
February is a time to focus on matters of the heart—not just in a romantic sense but in the broader, more profound sense of what drives and defines us. The heart of the matter is this: a life of purpose, peace, and joy begins with an honest look inward. Let this month be a season of renewal, as you reflect on what truly matters and take steps toward living in alignment with your deepest values.
For my husband and me, this season is a chance to recommit to the hard but rewarding work of building a strong, loving relationship. We’re learning that progress isn’t about perfection but about showing up, day after day, with open hearts and a willingness to grow together.
Your heart shapes your life. Guard it, nurture it, and allow it to be a source of goodness, wisdom, and love for yourself and others. Madge
