Brick by Brick — Rebuilding When You’re Still in the Mess (Lent Reflections, Part 2)

So what now?

What do you do after you’ve ripped the mask off, stood in the rubble, and admitted the foundation was cracked? What happens after you finally stop pretending, stop performing, stop trying to make broken things look whole?

You rebuild.

But not the way you did before—not with band-aids and fake peace and just enough Jesus to make it look spiritual. No. This time, it’s deeper. Slower. Grittier. This time, the work is sacred.

And it’s hard.

Let me be clear—I’m not rebuilding from a polished platform. I’m still in the mess. There’s tension in my marriage. There are days where I feel disconnected and disoriented, like I’m living next to someone I love but don’t always understand. There are questions that still don’t have answers. There are wounds that still bleed.

And part of what makes it harder? My husband’s faith journey isn’t in the same place mine is. He’s not walking at the same pace or in the same direction I am spiritually right now. He’s doing his own wrestling. His own unraveling. His own searching. And while I want to honor that, sometimes it just… stings. Because when you're fighting to rebuild with Jesus at the center, but your partner's still figuring out where Jesus even fits—it gets heavy.

We’re not enemies. But we’re not always aligned. And that makes the work of rebuilding feel slower, more fragile, more exhausting some days. I’ve had to learn that I can’t drag someone into revival. I can only live mine out loud.

And in the middle of all this soul work… enter Lent.

Let me tell you—this Lent, I went bold. I gave up cussing.

Cue dramatic music.

Now listen—I’ve got the mouth of a trucker on a bad day. This is no light sacrifice. This is spiritual boot camp. We’re talking split-second self-censorship, bite-my-tongue warfare, and a literal swear jar with a $0.25 penalty per slip-up. (At this rate, I could probably fund a mission trip or two by Easter.)

It’s funny—but it’s also not. Because it’s not really about the words. It’s about surrender. It’s about letting God refine me in the small things while I’m trusting Him with the big ones.

So here’s what rebuilding looks like for me right now—brick by brick, one prayer and one “dang-it” at a time:

1. Sitting in the silence, even when it’s uncomfortable.

I’m not rushing to fill the quiet. I’m letting the Holy Spirit speak where noise used to drown Him out. No smoke machines. No light shows. Just stillness—and the raw sound of my own soul finally learning how to listen again.

2. Praying the real prayers.

Not the filtered ones. Not the polished church-people prayers. I’m talking gritty, gut-level honesty. “God, I don’t know how to keep this together.” “I’m jealous. I’m hurt. I’m angry.” “Help me love him when it feels like he’s far away.” That’s where God meets me—in the real talk, not the rehearsed script.

3. Owning my part—but not carrying what isn’t mine.

I’ve done a lot of self-blame in the past. Let shame do all the talking. But Jesus didn’t die so I could keep dragging chains around. I’m learning to take responsibility without letting guilt become my identity. That’s a delicate line—but I’m walking it, one step at a time.

4. Choosing presence over perfection.

Maybe we don’t need a flawless marriage—we need a faithful one. One where we stay in the room. One where we show up on the hard days. One where we’re not trying to be picture-perfect, we’re just trying to be honest.

5. Going back to the Word, even when it cuts deep.

Lent is about repentance. That means facing the truth—even when it confronts me. Even when Scripture exposes my pride, my impatience, my tendency to control. It’s not comfortable, but it’s cleansing. And I need that more than comfort.

6. Giving Jesus every version of me—not just the healed parts.

There’s still some wreckage inside me. Still parts of me that flinch, that question, that ache. I’m learning to bring all of it to Him, not just the cleaned-up version. He’s not intimidated by the mess—He builds with it.

So no, I don’t have all the answers. I’m not writing this from the other side of the struggle. I’m writing from inside it—right here in the dust, the questions, the fatigue, the fight.

But I’m rebuilding. Slowly. Intentionally. Prayerfully. Cuss-free-ish.

Brick by brick.
Day by day.
Hand in hand with the only One who never walks out when things fall apart.

That’s what Lent is for. Not empty ritual. Not tradition for tradition’s sake. But a sacred return to the real foundation. The only one worth building anything on.

Jesus.

No more shortcuts. No more stage lights.

Just Him—and the raw, holy work of starting over.

Madge

When the Foundation is Cracked — Rebuilding from the Wreckage (Lent Reflections)

Lent isn’t a soft season. It’s not about dainty sacrifices and checking a spiritual box. It’s about disruption. It’s about letting God peel back every layer and expose what we’ve built on sand. It’s about repentance, yes—but it’s also about rebuilding. And right now, I’m standing in the middle of that wreckage.

Because here’s the truth: When you build your life on a weak foundation—on pain, on survival, on unresolved mess—it’s only a matter of time before it collapses. No matter how good it looks from the outside. No matter how loud the music is, how bright the lights are, how perfect the performance.

And I know that kind of collapse. I’ve lived it.

I built things—marriage, motherhood, identity—without Jesus at the center. I didn’t even realize I was doing it at the time. I just wanted love. I wanted stability. I wanted to belong. But what I built wasn’t rooted in Christ—it was rooted in fear, in brokenness, in wounds I hadn’t faced.

And when it all came crashing down, it left scars on everyone—especially the ones I loved most. I still wake up some nights choking on that guilt. I still cry over the hurt I caused my children. I still ache when I think about their father and everything we didn’t get right. Yeah, we’re better apart. I know that in my bones. But that doesn’t erase the weight I carry. That doesn’t silence the whispers that say, “If you had only done things differently…”

And this Lenten season—it’s pressing all of that to the surface. Lent is exposing everything I tried to bury under busyness and performance and good intentions. It’s forcing me to look at the foundation again—and ask: What am I really standing on now?

Because here’s the part that scares me to admit—but I promised to be raw and honest in this space, so here it is:

Even in my current marriage—after everything I’ve learned, after all the growth and healing—I still find myself wondering: Did we build this on something solid, or just dress up the same old cracks and hope they wouldn’t show?

Things are hard right now. The kind of hard that keeps you up at night staring at the ceiling, praying prayers you can’t quite form into words. And sometimes, I feel cheated. I look at old pictures of my husband—pictures with other people, other versions of him—and I wonder where that version went. Why didn’t I get that version? The one who looked light, free, alive. And I hate that thought, but it’s real.

I try to pray, but it’s messy. Some days it feels like I’m just sitting in silence, holding a thousand pieces I don’t know how to hand over. I keep trying to roll all of it—the fear, the hurt, the longing—into one ball and lay it at Jesus’ feet. But most days, I’m still gripping it, afraid to let go.

Lent reminds me that surrender isn’t neat. It’s not a one-time act. It’s daily. Gritty. Hard. It’s choosing again and again to give Him the pieces, even when I’m not sure what He’s going to do with them.

But I’m learning—slowly—that Jesus doesn’t need my life to be polished. He’s not asking for perfection. He’s asking for surrender. And in the middle of this broken, questioning, messy marriage, that’s all I’ve got to offer.

I’ve stopped performing. I’ve stopped pretending. I don’t want the smoke and mirrors anymore. You know that scene in Pure Country—where George Strait’s character walks off stage mid-performance and no one even notices because there’s so much noise and flash? That hits different now. Because I lived that. I was that. Performing a life I wasn’t even present in.But Lent is about stepping off the stage. Tearing down the illusions. Letting Jesus rebuild—not just better, but holy.

So yeah—I’m still in the thick of it. Still asking hard questions. Still fighting to trust. Still struggling to believe that this foundation we’re trying to repair can actually hold.

But I know this: Jesus doesn’t walk away from rubble. He rebuilds with it. And if I’m going to build anything from here forward—marriage, faith, identity, peace—it’s going to be on Him. Even if it’s slow. Even if it’s hard. Even if it costs me everything I thought I wanted. Because I’d rather build something raw and real with Jesus than something polished and empty without Him.

No more fake lights. No more noise.

Just me. Just Him. Just the bricks we lay together—one painful, sacred step at a time.

Madge

Lent, the Cross, and a Marriage Reset: A Season of Revival

Lent is here, but this isn’t some “give up chocolate and feel holy” routine. No, this season is different. It’s not about depriving myself of something small—it’s about diving deep into revival. For my spirit. For my mind. And yes, for my marriage. This isn’t about doing the same old, same old. This is a season where everything feels like it’s on the table, and there’s no escaping the work that needs to be done.

This is my favorite time of year, not because of the fasting or church services, but because Lent is raw. It strips me down. It forces me to face the parts of myself I’d rather keep buried—the messy, uncomfortable, hidden parts that I don’t want to look at. But there’s no running from the cross. You can’t stand before the raw, unfiltered truth of the cross and keep your guard up. There’s no pretending anymore.

Jesus didn’t step into His suffering with hesitation. He didn’t hold back. He didn’t tiptoe through betrayal, mockery, pain, and death. No. He walked straight into it, like He’d been waiting for this moment, like He knew it was the road He was born to walk. Every lash. Every spit. Every ounce of pain. He chose it. He didn’t run. He didn’t look for an escape. He kept walking because the cross wasn’t the end—it was the beginning of something bigger. For me. For you. For us.

Jesus’ Road to the Cross: The Ultimate Act of Love

Lent is not about cowering in self-pity. It’s about embracing purpose. Jesus didn’t stumble into His suffering by accident. He didn’t blindly follow some vague path of destiny. No, He chose it. He chose every step, knowing exactly what awaited Him. Every betrayal. Every rejection. Every moment of suffering. He knew, and He still walked straight into it.

Imagine this: you know your friends will abandon you. One will sell you out for a handful of coins. Another will deny you three times, and the others will scatter when things get real. You know you’ll be arrested, falsely accused, and dragged through a mock trial. You know the verdict will already be decided: guilty. You’ll be mocked, whipped until your skin is shredded, and a crown of thorns will be jammed into your skull. They’ll force you to carry a splintered cross on your raw back, dragging you through the streets until they finally nail you to it.

And yet, you don’t fight back. You don’t run. You don’t look for an escape. You keep walking. Because you know why you’re doing it. You know that this pain, this suffering, this death isn’t the end—it’s the beginning of new life. That’s love. That’s radical, unrelenting, sacrificial love. And Lent is the season where we stand in awe of that love, letting it break us wide open.

The Husband Factor (AKA: Why I’m Extra Blessed This Lent)

And then there’s my husband. The one who’s walking this road with me. The one who’s stepping into this season with a heart open, ready to meet the challenges ahead, knowing it won’t be easy. I’m honestly humbled.

We’ve been down the therapy road before. Sat on couches, talked about our issues, tried to "fix" things, but it was forced. Empty. Because, truth be told, I wasn’t ready. I was running on empty, avoiding the work that needed to be done. I was dodging the hard conversations like they were landmines, hoping somehow things would magically heal themselves. Spoiler alert: they didn’t.

But this? This feels different. This season, we’re doing the work. Together. It’s not about just sitting in a room and talking through our issues—it’s about stepping into something real, something raw. We’re diving into Lent together, with no guarantees. And if that’s not intense enough, we’ve signed up for a faith-based marriage retreat. A weekend where we’re unplugging, going deep, and facing the hardest truths about ourselves, our marriage, and our future together. No surface-level talk. No escaping the hard stuff. I’m ready for it. And I can tell he is, too.

Lent, But Make It a Glow-Up

Lent isn’t about giving up something that doesn’t really matter. It’s about transforming everything that does. Here’s how I’m making this season hit different:

🔥 Reviving My Spirit – It’s time to stop numbing myself with distractions. No more scrolling through my phone, avoiding the silence. No more pretending I’m “too busy” to spend time with God. This season, I’m choosing to sit in the depth of His sacrifice. To feel the weight of it. To reflect on the sacredness of the cross, so I can fully embrace the joy of His resurrection.

🔥 Reviving My Marriage – This isn’t about skimming the surface. It’s not about coasting and pretending everything’s okay when it’s not. It’s about leaning in—into the hard conversations, into the growth, into the uncomfortable work that real love requires. I’m done with autopilot. I’m ready to show up, not just for the good days, but for the grind. If Jesus could carry the weight of the world for love, then I can carry my share of the work in this marriage.

🔥 Reviving My Mindset – I’m tired of dragging around old baggage like it’s a fashion statement. Jesus walked to the cross with purpose and clarity. He knew exactly what He was fighting for, and He didn’t flinch. I want that same mindset. I want to leave this season with a sense of focus—a mind that’s ready to fight for what matters and step into the future with clarity and strength.

🔥 Reviving My Trust in the Process – Jesus didn’t question His path. He didn’t wonder if it was worth it. He trusted the process. And on the other side of that pain, on the other side of that excruciating suffering, came the greatest victory of all. I need to trust that same process. I need to trust that this season, as hard as it may be, is leading somewhere bigger than I can see right now. Somewhere better. Somewhere glorious.

This is 40 days of real work. Of breaking down to rebuild. Of embracing the grind. If Jesus could carry the weight of the world for love, then I can carry my part in this season of transformation.

Let the revival begin.

Faith in the Main Event: My Battle to Bring Jesus Into Every Part of Life

Wrestling isn't just about the in-ring action—it's about the stories, the drama, and the stakes that make every match more than just a contest of strength and skill. Some matches stand alone, requiring no background knowledge to enjoy. But the biggest matches, the ones that define careers and reshape the landscape of WWE, demand context. The 2025 Men's Elimination Chamber is one of those matches, a culmination of rivalries, ambitions, and years of storytelling all colliding inside WWE’s most unforgiving structure.

Tonight, the WWE Elimination Chamber takes center stage, and the excitement is building because the action is unfolding on my screen. I can’t wait to see the aftermath of Elimination Chamber and how it all plays out. The energy, the adrenaline, and the surprise twists—there’s nothing like watching it all unfold live. This is going to be a night to remember, not only because of the chaos inside the Chamber but also because it marks John Cena’s final Chamber appearance before his retirement at the end of 2025. While that’s a big deal for many, let’s be real—Cena is overrated. My heart belongs to Cody Rhodes, the man who will defend his Undisputed WWE Championship at WrestleMania against the winner of tonight’s match.

Six competitors—Damian Priest, Drew McIntyre, Seth Rollins, CM Punk, John Cena, and Logan Paul—will enter the Chamber, each with their own history, their own vendettas, and their own vision for WrestleMania glory. For five of them, it’s about reclaiming past championship gold. For one, it’s about proving he belongs. But beyond just the battle for supremacy, this match will shape the very future of WWE’s grandest stage, as the winner earns the right to challenge Cody Rhodes in Philadelphia at WrestleMania 41.

The stakes are monumental, but so are the complications. Punk, Rollins, and McIntyre have enough bad blood between them to fill an entire year’s worth of pay-per-views. Cena, on his farewell tour, didn’t even have to qualify, leaving some competitors fuming over the perceived favoritism. Logan Paul, the wildcard, has everything to prove but has already made enemies in Punk and Cena. And then there’s Damian Priest, a man who has spent the last year ruining McIntyre’s championship dreams and might do so again. The alliances that form inside the Chamber will be fleeting, and the betrayals will be brutal.

And looming over it all? The Rock. His return has thrown everything into chaos, with his presence raising more questions than answers. His interest in Cody Rhodes isn’t just about a potential match—it’s about control, about power, about legacy. Will he force his way into the title picture? Will he manipulate the outcome of the Chamber match itself? Whatever happens, WrestleMania 41 will look very different by the time the Chamber closes.

But for me, wrestling isn’t just about watching epic battles play out in the ring—it’s been a huge part of my life for as long as I can remember. I’ve passed this passion on to my children, my husband, my friends—basically, if you’ve spent enough time around me, you’ve probably been converted into a wrestling fan. So why does it feel so much harder to bring Jesus into their lives?

Sometimes, my faith journey feels like I’m in a constant title match. I’m stepping into the ring, trying to show people just how powerful Jesus is, how He can change lives, restore hope, and bring peace like nothing else can. But just like in wrestling, there are obstacles. There are run-ins, there are distractions, and sometimes, it feels like I’m taking chair shots to the soul. Some days, I’m on fire—cutting a great promo about faith, bringing my A-game, and feeling like I’m on the verge of a championship win. Other days? It’s like I just got hit with a surprise finisher, staring up at the lights, wondering how I ended up on my back again.

And let’s talk about the heel turns. You think you’ve got an ally in this fight for faith, and boom—swerve! Someone backs off, rolls out of the ring, or outright turns on you. Just when I think I’m making progress, doubt creeps in, distractions pull my loved ones away, and it feels like I’m losing ground. But here’s the thing—champions don’t give up. The greatest wrestlers don’t quit just because they take a few losses. And neither do I.

Cody Rhodes has a saying: “Finish the Story.” It’s a mantra that resonates deeply with me, not just as a wrestling fan but as a believer. The story of faith, redemption, and victory isn’t over. Every day is another chapter, another match, another opportunity to show the world the goodness of God. My own personal WrestleMania moment is still ahead—when my family fully embraces Jesus, when I see the victory in their hearts, when I know I’ve fought the good fight and won.

So as the Chamber doors close tonight and the road to WrestleMania becomes clearer, I’m reminded that my own road—the road of faith—is just as intense, just as dramatic, and just as worth fighting for. And just like my favorite wrestlers, I’m not backing down. Not now. Not ever.

Let’s get ready to rumble—both in the ring and in the fight for faith!

Madge

When the Sauce Overpowers the Meat: BBQ, Marriage, and Communication

There’s nothing quite like good BBQ. The smoky aroma, the slow-cooked tenderness, and that first juicy bite—it’s an experience. But if you’ve been around BBQ long enough, you know one hard truth: too much sauce can ruin it.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Sauce has its place. A well-balanced sauce enhances the flavor, giving it depth and a touch of sweetness or spice. But drown that brisket in a tidal wave of sauce, and suddenly, all you taste is sugar and vinegar. The meat—the real heart of the BBQ—is lost.

Marriage is a lot like BBQ. At its core, marriage is about the real, authentic connection between two people—just like great BBQ is about the meat, not just the sauce. And in the same way sauce can overpower BBQ, too much noise in communication can drown out the real heart of a marriage.

The Danger of Too Much “Sauce” in Communication

Ever had an argument where words just keep flowing, but nothing is actually being said? That’s what happens when communication gets doused in too much “sauce.” Maybe it’s sarcasm, defensiveness, passive-aggression, or an overload of emotions that cloud the real issue. The heart of the conversation—the meat of it—gets lost beneath the flood.

Take last night, for example. My husband and I checked out a new BBQ joint and ordered the three-meat combo: half-rack ribs, brisket, and half a chicken. The ribs? Phenomenal. The brisket? Not my thing, but my husband was excited for it—until the presentation threw him off. He liked the flavor just fine, but the way it was served wasn’t what he expected, and apparently, that minor deviation was borderline brisket blasphemy. And then came the chicken—drenched, absolutely smothered in BBQ sauce. Now, we are NOT BBQ-sauce-on-our-chicken people, but we never thought to ask. So, we ate it anyway and, shockingly, enjoyed it.

And then, the ride home. Oh boy. Somewhere between “I still don’t get why they did that to the brisket” and “I swear the sauce on that chicken was thicker than the Bible,” our conversation went sideways. You know the kind—where every little thing that’s been simmering under the surface bubbles over into full-blown saucy disaster. Because let’s be real—sometimes marriage communication is just messy.

Proverbs 10:19 reminds us, “When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.” Sometimes, the best thing we can do in marriage is to slow down, speak less, and let the real message come through. But let’s be honest—I’m still working on that. Jesus, help me.

The Balance of Grace and Truth

Jesus was the master of communication. He spoke truth boldly, but He also knew when to be quiet. He didn’t over-sauce His message; He gave just what was needed to convict hearts and lead people to the Father. John 1:14 describes Him as “full of grace and truth.” Not too much of one or the other—perfectly balanced.

In marriage, we need that same balance. If we pour on all grace and no truth, we risk avoiding the real issues. If we pour on all truth with no grace, we can wound each other unnecessarily. Like a good BBQ sauce, our words should complement, not dominate.

Getting Back to the Heart of It

So how do we keep our marriage communication from being drowned in unnecessary sauce?

• Listen more than you speak (James 1:19)

• Speak with kindness and wisdom (Proverbs 16:24)

• Know when to let things simmer instead of boiling over (Ecclesiastes 3:7)

• Keep Jesus at the center—He’s the real flavor that holds everything together

At the end of the day, marriage is best when it’s about the real, honest, unfiltered connection between two people who love each other like Christ loves the Church. I’m learning to bring Him more into my marriage, my friendships, my everything—because, let’s be honest, left to my own devices, I’d be drowning in my own sauce of stubbornness and sass.

Keep the sauce in check, focus on the heart of your relationship, and let the true flavor of your love shine through.

And for goodness’ sake, if you’re gonna sauce up some BBQ, do it right. Balance is everything.

MADGE

Flu Season: When Germs Get the Best of Us and Our Mental Health Takes a Holiday

Ah, flu season! That magical time of the year when tissues become our best friends, and the only thing spreading faster than the flu is the overwhelming sense of doom as we realize we’re about to become human incubators. As we huddle under blankets like we’re in a survivalist documentary, let’s talk about how this pesky virus doesn’t just take a toll on our bodies but also gives our mental health a run for its money.

The Flu: A Lesson in Humility

First off, let’s be real: being sick feels like a punishment from the heavens. You’re stuck in bed, binge-watching shows that are much less interesting than the life you’re missing out on. You start to question your life choices: “Why didn’t I eat more kale?” or “Did I really need to go to that party where everyone was coughing like they were auditioning for a horror movie?”

As we lie there feeling crummy, it’s hard not to think of Job from the Bible, wondering why we’re going through this rough patch. Remember when he said, “Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” (Job 2:10)? It’s a good reminder that ups and downs are just part of life. So, while the flu may have us feeling completely out of it, it’s also a chance to pause, reflect, and maybe even lean a little more on our faith. And hey, even Job had his friends around—though they weren't the most helpful! Let’s use this time to reconnect with ourselves and our beliefs, turning this uncomfortable moment into a chance for some personal growth.

Sharing Is Caring, Right?

Now, let’s talk about the social aspect of flu season. Remember when you were a kid and sharing was a big deal? Well, flu season turns us all back into toddlers, except instead of sharing toys, we’re sharing germs. It’s like we’ve regressed to a time when we thought it was completely acceptable to pass around spit-covered toys. “Here, you take this cold! It’s fun to share!”

In a world where we’re trying to be more hygienic, flu season feels like a slap in the face. Suddenly, everyone is a walking germ factory, and you’re left wondering if that handshake was worth it. Spoiler alert: it wasn’t. 

The Mental Health Rollercoaster

Being sick can trigger a rollercoaster of emotions. There’s the initial despair of feeling like you’ve been hit by a truck, followed by the wave of guilt for not being productive. You might find yourself scrolling through social media, watching everyone else live their best lives, while you’re stuck in your pajamas, contemplating if it’s too much effort to reach for the remote.

This is where the Christian undertone comes into play. In our moments of weakness, we can remember that “my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9). It’s okay to take a break, to rest, and to seek comfort in our faith. Perhaps this is God’s way of reminding us to slow down and reconnect with what truly matters.

Finding Joy in the Sickness

So how do we combat this flu-induced mental fog? Here are a few tips:

1. Embrace the Rest: Use this time to recharge. Maybe catch up on your spiritual readings or watch uplifting movies. Bonus points if they have a Jesus theme!

2. Stay Connected: While you might not want to share your germs, you can still share your thoughts. Call up a friend and have a virtual hangout. Just don’t cough on the phone!

3. Laugh It Off: Humor is a great medicine. Share your flu stories (but keep it germ-free!) and find joy in the absurdity of the situation. 

4. Pray: Invite God into your healing process. You might find that prayer brings peace amidst the chaos of coughs and sneezes.

Germs, Grace, and Giggles

As we navigate this flu season, let’s remember to find humor in the sickness, grace in our weakness, and community in our shared experiences. After all, if we can’t laugh at ourselves when we’re bundled up like a burrito with a box of tissues, what can we do?

Let’s embrace this time to rest, reflect, and recharge, knowing that it’s okay to take a break from the hustle and bustle of life. And as we share our germs (metaphorically, of course) and our stories, let’s lean into our faith. Remember, even when we feel our weakest, we are never alone. So here’s to flu season—may it remind us to cherish our health, support one another, and find joy in the little things, even if that means cozying up on the couch and enjoying a good laugh at our own expense!

Stay healthy, stay blessed, and remember: the only thing you should be sharing this flu season is love (and maybe some chicken soup)!

Madge

Turning 45: A Grateful Badass

Today, I hit the big 4-5, and you know what? I’m feeling pretty damn fabulous about it! This milestone gives me a chance to reflect on my life, and I’m genuinely grateful for the wild ride that’s brought me here. Life is what you make of it, and I’m ready to tackle this next chapter with all the grit and determination I can muster.

I’m a fiercely proud mom of four amazing kids—my Krew—who keep me on my toes every single day. Let me tell you, becoming a mother at 20 was one hell of a ride! Each one of them has their own unique personality, with the best pieces of myself in each of them. Navigating the beautiful chaos they create is an adventure I wouldn’t trade for anything. They challenge me in ways I never saw coming, pushing me to rethink what I thought I knew about life, love, and myself. They inspire me to dig deeper and remind me that life is all about growth and resilience. Sure, there are plenty of laughs along the way—often accompanied by a few tears—but every moment is a testament to the wild, messy, and utterly rewarding journey of motherhood. Watching them evolve into their own incredible selves is like witnessing a beautiful tapestry unfold, and I’m grateful to be part of their story

And then there’s my granddaughter. Holy hell, becoming a grandmother has flipped my world upside down. I never expected to love someone this fiercely, but holding her is like opening up a floodgate of emotions I didn’t know existed. It’s raw, it’s wild, and it’s changed everything for me. Watching her grow makes me appreciate my own mother even more. I finally see the strength it takes to love like this, and it’s a fierce reminder of the legacy we share. Embracing my role as a grandmother is a wild ride, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Now, let’s talk about my husband. He’s pretty damn amazing. Building a relationship with my kids took time. It’s a testament to what a great “Nacho Average Step-Dad” he is. He’s been my rock, accepting me with all my quirks and complexities, and he tries his hardest every day. That effort speaks volumes about his character and how deeply he cares.

I’ve got siblings who keep it real. They ALL see me as the hardass I am, but they also know that underneath this tough exterior, I’m human. When I crack and become a pile of mush, they’re always there to catch me. My amazing friends play a similar role; they know how to make me laugh, even on my toughest days. We share unforgettable moments, and they remind me that while I might be a tough cookie, I still need a little sugar now and then.

Let’s not forget my spoiled brat of a dog, who adds a layer of chaos to my life. She’s got more energy than I can handle sometimes, but her antics remind me to embrace joy—even if it comes in the form of a furry tornado.

I've always worn my hardass title with pride. It’s not just about being tough; it’s about the unwavering spirit that’s gotten me through a lot. Bowling and playing softball for over 20 years taught me resilience and determination. Those competitive days shaped who I am today.

Tattoos? I’ve got more than my dad ever wanted, each one telling a story and marking a significant moment in my life. They’re badges of honor, symbols of my victories and struggles, each inked design representing a chapter in my journey. There’s the kaleidoscope of butterflies on my leg, a reflection of my transformation—reminding me of the time I broke free from my comfort zone and truly started embracing who I am. Then there’s the quote on my forearm, 'Stay The Course'— My ex-husband and I got this matching tattoos and agreed to never cover them up, as they symbolize a shared journey that remains a part of our individual paths, despite no longer being together. Each tattoo is more than just ink; it’s a testament to my resilience and growth. They remind me that my quirks, my past, and every part of my journey contribute to the vibrant tapestry of my life, showcasing the beautiful, messy, and unapologetically real woman I’ve become.

As I turn 45, I’m learning to accept those age-related changes. Bifocals became my go-to a while back, and it’s a straightforward reminder that time waits for no one. I wear my age with pride; each wrinkle and laugh line tells the story of the battles I’ve fought. They’re evidence of the experiences that have shaped me, and I embrace them as signs of strength.

As I get ready to blow out the candles on my birthday cake—assuming my house doesn’t catch fire first—I can’t help but think about how much of the "kool-aid" I’ve drunk to be so open about my faith. Spoiler alert: I’m still Madge, the same snarky, fun-loving woman you’ve always known. This new season has brought a sense of freedom that’s hard to ignore, and I hope you’ll still accept me for me. 

My faith in Jesus is a cornerstone of my life. It’s a driving force that shapes my decisions and actions. This year feels like a turning point—an opportunity to embrace the power of faith and show others it’s never too late to believe in something bigger than ourselves. I want to encourage everyone to find their path, no matter where they are.

So, here’s to another year of living authentically, with a side of sass and a whole lot of love! Here’s to turning 45, leaning on my faith, and kicking ass in the years to come!

Madge

Super Bowl 2025: From Buffalo to Dallas, Faith, and Why I’m Not Watching

Alright, let me set the record straight. I’m born and raised in the 716, my blood’s got that Buffalo Bills deep red and blue running through it. But here's the kicker: there was a time when I found myself cheering for the Dallas Cowboys. And no, it wasn’t because I was confused about which team to back—it all started with one person: Jim Kelly.

When I first met Jim Kelly, he wasn’t the legend we all know now. He wasn’t the rock-solid, faithful icon that we’ve all come to love. Hell, he didn’t even impress me at first. It’s like, you know how Shania Twain sings “That don’t impress me much”? Yeah, that was me when I met Jim. He was just another guy, no big deal. So, what did I do? I jumped ship and rooted for Troy Aikman and the Cowboys. And honestly? A big part of that was because Troy was soooo damn hot. I was all about that Dallas swagger, baby. 

Let’s talk about the Super Bowl matchups between the Cowboys and the Bills—the struggle was real! Here I am, a diehard 716 girl, but somehow, I found myself rooting for Dallas during those years. It felt like a personal betrayal, but I couldn’t help it—Troy Aikman, Emmitt Smith, Michael Irvin… they were too good. Watching those Super Bowl showdowns was like living in two worlds. I’m sitting there, torn between my love for the Bills and my teenage girl crush on the Cowboys, watching my hometown team take those painful losses, not once but twice in a row. It was a strange mix of pride and heartache, like cheering for the Bills but secretly admiring the dominance of the Cowboys. Buffalo Bills fans felt the sting of defeat, and me? I was stuck between two teams I had a stake in. 

Here’s the thing, though—no matter where my heart wandered, the Bills always had a piece of me. I cheered for them every season, except when they were playing Dem Boyz—that was my one exception. But as time went on, my love for Dallas started to fade.. Let’s talk about the “Dez Bryant—IT WAS A CATCH” debacle, shall we? That moment was a turning point for me. The Cowboys were robbed, just like the Bills are every damn year. IT WAS A CATCH, and that's all I have to say about that.

Fast forward to today—Jim Kelly is no longer just a football legend—he’s a man of faith, and I can relate to that. Because let’s face it—life’s been a rough ride. Just like Jim, I’ve had my share of struggles and letdowns, but Our Jesus has come through for me, too. He’s taken my brokenness and turned it into something beautiful. So, yeah, now when I look at Jim, I don’t just see a football legend, I see a man who’s been saved, just like me. We’re both living proof of redemption. And that’s bigger than any Super Bowl ring!

Now, about the Super Bowl this year? Look, as a Bills fan, I’ll be real with you: I’m not watching. And honestly, I think every single person from the 716 should join me in boycotting the whole thing. It’s the same ol’ story we’ve been living in Buffalo for years—the heartbreak, the injustice of us not making it to the Big Show. Bills Mafia has had enough of that. So, I’m out. Not because I don’t love football, but because I refuse to support another damn Chiefs Super Bowl. I’ve seen enough of their run, and quite frankly, I’m over it. And as a former Dallas fan, there’s no way in hell I’m cheering for the Eagles! I’ve got no love for Philly, and I’m not about to hop on that bandwagon just to be anti KC.

Instead of tuning into that circus of a Super Bowl, I’m focusing my energy where it truly counts—the things that bring me peace, purpose, and strength. I’ve seen enough of the heartbreak and frustration that comes with chasing that big win. The truth is, life is so much more than what happens to the Buffalo Bills. My energy is going into what really matters this Super Bowl Sunday: my faith, my family, and the lessons I’ve learned this past football season. What matters most is the victory I’ve already found—one that’s about personal growth, love, and faith that can’t be stripped away by a bad call or a broken play.

Bills Mafia, I think we all have something far greater to look forward to than a Super Bowl. It’s the kind of win that lasts—the kind that can’t be taken away from us no matter what the refs, the calls, or the universe throws our way. The true victory isn’t on the field, it’s in the relationship we get to build with Our Jesus, and that’s something that stays with you long after the final whistle blows.

So while the rest of the world is caught up in the Super Bowl chaos, I’ll be focusing on something that can never be robbed from me—the love, peace, and strength that come from my faith. And if you're looking for that same kind of victory, something more fulfilling and lasting, I’d love for you to join me at church this Sunday. You’ve got a relationship with Jesus to look forward to, one that’s real, life-changing, and completely worth celebrating. If you want to join me, just reach out! Let’s share that victory together.

May we all find victory in the love and strength of Our Jesus! Go Bills! 

Madge

Unshakable JOY: From My WWWC Weekend to This One

If you’re not familiar, WWWC (Women Walking With Christ) is a 44-hour Sabbath retreat designed to give women a break from the chaos of life and create space to hear God clearly, lay down their burdens, and walk into the freedom He has for them. It’s not just a getaway—it’s an encounter.

This weekend, I have the honor of being part of the At Home Prayer Team (AHPT)—which means I get to go to war in prayer for the women stepping into this weekend. The AHPT is a crucial part of this weekend. Made up of WWWC Sisters from all over the world, it’s a team of women who stand in the gap through prayer—covering every moment of the retreat, interceding for breakthrough, and fighting off any spiritual attacks that might try to get in the way. And even though we’re not physically in the room, our prayers are shifting the atmosphere in ways we may never fully see.

I wasn’t always someone who thought about prayer this way. For a long time, I thought of prayer as something you do before bed or before a meal—something nice, polite, and maybe even a little predictable. But let me tell you—prayer is so much more than that. It’s raw, relentless, and powerful. It’s a straight-up weapon in the hands of someone who actually believes God is who He says He is. And when I finally understood that? Everything changed.

The Weekend That Wrecked Me (in the Best Way Possible)

I’ve been on the other side of this. I walked into my own WWWC Weekend thinking I knew Jesus. And in a lot of ways, I did. But I had no idea how much of me was still holding back. I had no idea how much of my relationship with Him was built on control—on trying to keep things just safe enough, just neat enough, just manageable enough so I didn’t have to fully surrender.

See, this weekend isn’t just a retreat. It’s a 44-hour reset—a hard stop from the chaos of life to just be still and hear God. And trust me, when you actually make space to hear Him? He doesn’t hold back.

For me, that meant coming face to face with some ugly truths. It meant letting go of pride, performance, and the belief that I had to handle everything on my own. It meant breaking down before I could be built back up. And honestly? It hurt. It was uncomfortable, messy, and real.

But it also changed everything. Because on the other side of that breaking was a joy I didn’t know existed. A joy that wasn’t dependent on my circumstances. A joy that didn’t disappear when things got hard. A joy that was rooted in Jesus alone.

And that’s exactly why I’m praying for these women this weekend. Because I know what’s waiting for them. I know what God can do in just 44 hours. I know that for some of them, this weekend will be the first time in a long time—maybe even the first time ever—that they feel fully seen, fully known, and fully loved by Jesus.

Standing in the Gap: Praying Boldly for This Weekend

So here’s where I come in. As part of the AHPT, I may not be in that room physically, but make no mistake—my prayers are kicking down doors in the Spirit. I get to cover this weekend in prayer and stand in the gap for the women walking into their breakthrough.

And let me be clear—this isn’t some “Dear Jesus, please bless their time” kind of thing. This is a fight. A battle against every lie, every fear, every chain that’s trying to keep these women from stepping into what God has for them.

Here’s what I’m focusing my prayers on:

• No travel BS – No delays, no obstacles, no last-minute emergencies keeping these women from showing up. Every single one arrives exactly as God has ordained.

• Peace for their families – Because the enemy loves using distractions. I’m praying for zero chaos, zero stress, and nothing that pulls them away from what God wants to do this weekend.

• Strength for the Modeling Sisters – These women are stepping up to embody the five wounds of Christ, and that is no small thing. I’m praying for boldness, supernatural endurance, and an overwhelming sense of God’s presence as they carry these roles.

• JOY to break chains – Not the shallow, temporary kind. The deep, Spirit-fueled, undeniable, unshakable kind that only Jesus can bring. The kind that laughs in the face of the enemy and walks out of the fire stronger than ever.

This is Why Jesayn.com Exists

This weekend is also why Jesayn.com exists. Because when I walked away from my own WWWC Weekend, I knew I couldn’t just go back to life as usual. I couldn’t just bottle up what I experienced and keep it to myself.

So I started creating a space where people could experience the raw, unfiltered, messy, and powerful reality of walking with Our Jesus. Not the churchy, polished, fake-it-til-you-make-it version, but the real deal.

If you’re reading this and something inside you is stirring—don’t ignore it. That’s not random. That’s an invitation.

Maybe you weren’t planning on this, but let me challenge you—experience it for yourself. Step into a WWWC Weekend and see firsthand what happens when you give God 44 hours of undistracted, unfiltered access to your heart. I can’t explain it fully—you just have to be there.

And if this is hitting you hard, reach out to me. Let’s talk. Let’s make it happen. Because I promise you, God is already calling your name. The only question is—will you answer?

Drop the baggage, step into the fire, and let Our Jesus show you what you’ve been missing.

Madge

February: A Month of Celebration and Reflection

Ah, February! A month that often gets a bad rap for being cold and dreary, but for me, it’s a time of joy and excitement. Why, you ask? Well, selfishly, I was born in February! This year is particularly special as I turn 45, and I can’t help but feel that this milestone birthday holds something extraordinary for me.

As I reflect on my life, I realize that February has always been a month of new beginnings. The air is filled with a sense of hope and anticipation, and this year feels especially vibrant. I believe that My Jesus has an incredible plan for me, one that will unfold beautifully throughout the year.

What makes this February even more special is my involvement in an at-home prayer team (AHPT) that is part of a larger community I became a part of almost a year ago. This weekend, I will be dedicating my prayers to the staff and the women who are about to have an encounter with Our Jesus like no other. Just a week before my birthday, the timing couldn’t be more perfect, and I feel a deep sense of purpose in being part of this prayer initiative.

Having experienced a similar weekend almost a year ago that opened my eyes and heart to OUR Jesus, I know firsthand the transformative power of such encounters. I am excited to pray for those who are on the brink of their own spiritual awakening, hoping that they, too, will feel the overwhelming love and grace that I have felt.

Turning 45 isn’t just about the number; it’s about the wisdom, grace, and love that I’ve accumulated over the years. I feel a renewed sense of responsibility to live out my faith and share the joy that comes from it. This February, I’m not just celebrating my birth; I’m celebrating the life that Jesus has given me and the opportunities that lie ahead.

So here’s to February—a month of love, reflection, and spiritual growth! Whether you celebrate a birthday, a special occasion, or simply the beauty of life, I encourage you to embrace this month with open arms. Let’s see what amazing plans are in store, because I truly believe that great things are on the horizon! Happy February, everyone!

Madge

Groundhog Day: A Savage Christian Perspective on Life's Repetitive Rollercoaster

Every February 2nd, millions of people gather in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, to witness an event that’s equal parts bizarre and delightful: Punxsutawney Phil, the weather-predicting groundhog, makes his annual appearance to determine whether we’ll endure six more weeks of winter. But let’s be real—this quirky tradition is just a gateway to a much deeper existential crisis. If you’ve ever wondered why you feel stuck in a cycle of monotony, look no further than the 1993 classic film "Groundhog Day." It tells the story of Phil Connors, a cynical weatherman who experiences a time loop, reliving February 2nd over and over again. Yep, just like my life—because honestly, who among us doesn’t feel like we’re stuck in a never-ending cycle of same shit different day?

Life Feeling Like a Bad Groundhog Day Sequel?

Phil Connors is that guy we all know: grumpy, self-absorbed, and convinced that life is out to get him. He heads to Punxsutawney to cover the annual Groundhog Day event, and instead of enjoying the festivities, he’d rather shove a microphone up Phil the Groundhog’s nose. But then—BAM!—he wakes up to the same day, February 2nd, again and again. Talk about a cosmic joke! 

Honestly, doesn’t that sound familiar? Some days feel like we’re just going through the motions—wake up, work, eat, sleep, repeat. It’s like living in a Groundhog Day sequel that nobody asked for. We get trapped in our routines, and life can feel like a cruel cosmic prank. Many of us wake up and wonder, “Is this it? Is this all there is?” We scroll through our social media feeds, only to find everyone else seemingly living their best lives while we’re just trying to remember where we left our coffee. 

The Time Loop: A Divine Wake-Up Call

Phil’s plight is a wake-up call: he can’t keep living like a self-centered jerk. It’s like God is saying, “Hey, buddy, time for a spiritual reboot!” As the days repeat, Phil starts to realize that change starts from within. Each day offers him the chance to make better choices, and as he learns to embrace kindness, love, and service, he transforms his life. 

This is where the real magic happens: he finds purpose and joy in the little things—like saving a kid from a falling tree, helping an elderly man, or learning to play the piano. This journey is not just about breaking free from a time loop; it’s about discovering the beauty of life in every moment. 

For us, we have an even better guide through life’s chaotic loops: Jesus. In the midst of our repetitive struggles, He’s there to remind us that we’re not alone. Jesus shows us that every day can be a fresh start—like waking up on February 3rd instead of reliving the same old Groundhog Day. He is our compass, directing us toward a life filled with meaning and grace, helping us break the cycle of cynicism.

Living in the Moment: It’s Not Just a Cliché

One of the most profound lessons Phil learns is that life isn’t just about surviving the day; it’s about living it. Initially, he’s like, “This day sucks,” but then he starts to find joy in the mundane. He comes to appreciate the beauty in the chaos, the little things he once overlooked—like a warm cup of coffee, the sound of laughter, or the beauty of a winter sunset. It’s a lesson we all need, especially when life feels like a treadmill stuck on the same speed. 

Matthew 6:34 tells us not to worry about tomorrow—because honestly, who can predict the future anyway? Let’s focus on making today count. Whether it’s reaching out to a friend, lending a helping hand, or simply enjoying a slice of pizza, those moments matter. 

Serving Up Some Savage Kindness

As Phil evolves, he becomes the town’s unexpected hero. He helps people, learns to love, and even becomes a piano-playing sensation. If a grumpy weatherman can turn his life around, so can we! Jesus calls us to love and serve others, not just to scroll through social media like zombies. 

Imagine how different our lives would be if we approached each day with the same enthusiasm Phil eventually discovers. Instead of dreading the daily grind, we could wake up ready to make a difference, however small it may seem. Maybe it’s helping a neighbor shovel snow, volunteering at a local shelter, or simply being kind to that cashier who looks like they’ve had a rough day. 

Breaking the Cycle: The Power of Choices

Phil’s journey is also a reminder of the power of our choices. In the beginning, he makes selfish decisions, using his time loop to indulge in whatever feels good at the moment. But as he starts to change, he realizes that true fulfillment comes from serving others and making a positive impact. 

This echoes the Christian teaching that our lives are a series of choices that reflect our values and beliefs. Just as Phil learns that he has the power to change his fate, we too have the ability to break free from destructive patterns and choose a path that aligns with God’s will for our lives. 

From February 2nd to the 3rd—A New Dawn

At the end of the day, "Groundhog Day" isn’t just a story about a weatherman stuck in a time loop; it’s a reminder that we can choose to break the cycle of monotony and embrace the adventure of life. With Jesus as our guide, we can wake up on February 3rd with fresh eyes, ready to face whatever comes our way.

So, let’s make every day count, find joy in the little things, and remember that while life might feel like a never-ending loop, we have the power to change the script. Just like Phil Connors, we can transform our lives, embrace change, and live each day with purpose and laughter. After all, every day is an opportunity for redemption and a chance to create the life we truly desire, one glorious February 3rd at a time!

Madge

The Heart of the Matter: A Call to Deep Self-Reflection for February

February often brings thoughts of love, hearts, and relationships, particularly with Valentine’s Day at its center. But this month also presents an opportunity to go deeper—to reflect on the condition of our hearts and the intentions behind our actions. The heart is not just the seat of emotion; it is the wellspring of our character, choices, and relationships. What we allow to dwell in our hearts shapes the trajectory of our lives.

Examining the Wellspring of Life: Proverbs 4:23

Proverbs 4:23 teaches, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” This verse serves as a call to be mindful of what we allow into our inner lives. In a world filled with noise, distractions, and competing priorities, guarding your heart requires deliberate action. Take a moment to ask yourself: What occupies my thoughts and shapes my motivations? Are my habits, relationships, and goals leading me toward greater integrity and peace, or are they draining my joy and focus?

Guarding your heart doesn’t mean closing yourself off. Instead, it means curating what you nurture within: thoughts that build up, habits that foster growth, and values that reflect your truest priorities.

As someone in my second marriage—and my husband’s second as well—this verse has taken on a deeply personal meaning. We both carry lessons from our past, including moments where we failed to guard our hearts and allowed bitterness or unrealistic expectations to take root. Now, we approach our relationship with greater intentionality, prioritizing honest communication and mutual encouragement to protect the love we’re building. However, it hasn’t been an easy journey.

We often find ourselves struggling with communication—an area where both of us are works in progress. Misunderstandings happen, and sometimes it feels like we’re speaking entirely different languages. There have been times when unresolved conflicts lingered far longer than they should have because neither of us was willing to be the first to soften. Yet, these moments also remind us why guarding our hearts and working on our relationship is so vital. Each day, we’re learning to approach disagreements with more grace, leaning into our shared commitment to grow together rather than apart.

Confronting the Truth About Our Hearts: Jeremiah 17:9-10

“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward each person according to their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve” (Jeremiah 17:9-10). This passage invites us to take a hard look at the hidden motivations and biases that influence our decisions. It’s easy to believe we’re acting with good intentions, but self-deception is often lurking beneath the surface.

True growth begins with honesty. Are there areas of your life where you’re holding onto bitterness, pride, or fear? In my own journey, I’ve had to confront lingering doubts and insecurities stemming from my first marriage. These emotions didn’t just disappear when I remarried; they needed to be addressed and worked through. Journaling, praying, and seeking wise counsel have helped me unpack these layers and approach my current relationship with a healthier perspective.

One specific moment stands out: early in my second marriage, I realized I was quick to react defensively during disagreements, a habit formed from past wounds. It took deliberate effort to recognize this pattern and choose vulnerability instead of self-protection. Even now, I’m not perfect. There are days when old habits resurface, but with each conversation, my husband and I are learning to navigate conflict in ways that bring us closer rather than pushing us apart.

Redefining Love: 1 Corinthians 13

Love is a dominant theme in February, but it’s worth reflecting on what love truly means. 1 Corinthians 13 provides a timeless definition: love is patient, kind, and selfless. It doesn’t envy, boast, or delight in wrongdoing. This kind of love goes beyond fleeting feelings or grand gestures. It’s a daily commitment to show kindness, extend grace, and seek the good of others—even when it’s difficult.

In marriage, this definition of love is a constant challenge. I’ve learned that love isn’t always about grand romantic gestures; it’s in the little things. It’s choosing to forgive when an argument arises, offering encouragement after a hard day, or simply being present. My husband and I have found that our relationship grows stronger when we focus on these everyday acts of love. For example, we’ve started a habit of sending thoughtful texts to each other—a simple gesture that reminds us of our love and appreciation, no matter how busy the day gets.

Still, we’re far from having it all figured out. There are days when exhaustion or frustration makes kindness feel like an uphill battle. But those are the moments when we remind ourselves of what love truly is—not just a feeling but a choice to show up, even when it’s hard.

Finding Security in Unchanging Love: Romans 5:8

Romans 5:8 declares, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” This is a reminder that our worth isn’t tied to our achievements or the approval of others. It’s grounded in the unwavering love that God has for us.

When life feels uncertain or relationships disappoint, anchor yourself in this truth. Reflecting on the depth of this love can inspire gratitude, resilience, and a renewed sense of purpose. In my own life, this has been a source of comfort during times when I’ve struggled with feelings of inadequacy or fear of repeating past mistakes. Knowing that God’s love is constant helps me navigate both the joys and challenges of marriage.

One particularly challenging season for us was when we dealt with a major health scare. It would have been easy to let fear create distance between us, but we chose to lean into God’s promises and support one another. That experience strengthened our bond and deepened our faith. It also reminded us that our relationship’s foundation isn’t perfection but perseverance.

Steps Toward Heart Alignment

Deep self-reflection doesn’t stop with awareness; it calls for action. Here are practical ways to realign your heart and intentions:

1. Practice Stillness: Carve out time each day to disconnect from distractions and reflect on your thoughts and feelings. Silence can reveal what’s been ignored or buried.

2. Choose Growth: Identify one area where you want to improve—whether it’s patience, generosity, or self-discipline—and take concrete steps toward it.

3. Forgive Freely: Holding onto grudges weighs heavily on the heart. Forgiveness isn’t about excusing wrongs but about freeing yourself from their grip. In my marriage, this has meant letting go of past hurts and focusing on building a future together.

4. Celebrate Gratitude: Make a habit of acknowledging the good in your life. Gratitude shifts focus from what’s lacking to what’s abundant. My husband and I often share what we’re thankful for at the end of each day, which has strengthened our bond.

5. Invest in Relationships: Reach out to loved ones with intentionality. Deep connections often require vulnerability and effort but are richly rewarding. This includes prioritizing quality time with my spouse and showing up for family and friends.

6. Build Rituals of Connection: Create small but meaningful traditions that foster closeness. For us, this includes a weekly “date night” where we unplug from the world and focus on each other.

Closing Reflection

February is a time to focus on matters of the heart—not just in a romantic sense but in the broader, more profound sense of what drives and defines us. The heart of the matter is this: a life of purpose, peace, and joy begins with an honest look inward. Let this month be a season of renewal, as you reflect on what truly matters and take steps toward living in alignment with your deepest values.

For my husband and me, this season is a chance to recommit to the hard but rewarding work of building a strong, loving relationship. We’re learning that progress isn’t about perfection but about showing up, day after day, with open hearts and a willingness to grow together.

Your heart shapes your life. Guard it, nurture it, and allow it to be a source of goodness, wisdom, and love for yourself and others. Madge

January Check-In: The Struggle, The Slacking, and What Comes Next

Jesayn.com is built on one simple truth: Life is messy, and Jesus meets us right in the middle of it. Our motto is about embracing the chaos, finding grace in the imperfection, and showing up for ourselves and others even when we don’t have it all together. So, as January comes to a close, let’s talk about how we did—and where we go from here.

I’ll be the first to admit it: I failed. Big time. Remember those journal prompts we started the month with? Yeah, I did about three of them before life got in the way, and they became one more thing on my never-ending to-do list. My follow-through was crap, and honestly, I’m disappointed in myself. But that’s the thing about this journey—we’re not aiming for perfection here. We’re aiming for progress, no matter how messy it looks.

The January Recap: Falling Short

January always feels like this big, shiny chance to start over, but for me, it was more of a stumble than a sprint. I had great intentions: journaling daily, sticking to healthier habits, and being more present with my family. But somewhere between the chaos of work, managing the house, and just trying to keep my head above water, those intentions got shoved to the back burner.

Take my health, for example. I used to be so good at working out, walking, and eating like I gave a damn about my body. But lately? My eating habits have been straight-up feast or famine. One day I’m skipping meals because I’m too busy, and the next I’m going all in, inhaling half a pizza and following it up with cookies because, hey, why not? The same goes for exercise. One day I’ll have a sudden burst of energy and convince myself I’m about to become a fitness queen, and the next week? Couch city, baby. The cycle is exhausting and unsustainable, and I know I need to break it.

Looking Ahead: February and the Big 4-5

Here’s the thing: February is my birthday month, and this year, I’m hitting the big 4-5. It’s a milestone, and instead of letting it pass by, I’m choosing to make it a turning point. I don’t want to keep living like this—half-assing my health, ignoring my goals, and beating myself up when I fall short. I want to show up for myself, not just for a week or two, but consistently.

So, February is going to be about health. Not in some Instagram-worthy, #NewYearNewMe kind of way, but in a real, sustainable way. I’m talking about finding small wins, like drinking more water, going for a 10-minute walk, or figuring out how to eat in a way that feels good without falling into the feast-or-famine trap.

Keeping It Real: The Plan

Here’s what I’m focusing on for February:

1. Move My Body: No crazy gym routines or unrealistic expectations. Just move. Whether it’s a walk around the block, stretching in the morning, or dancing like an idiot with my husband in our living room, I’m committing to doing something physical every day.

2. Relearn Balance with Food: I’m not cutting out entire food groups or jumping on the latest diet bandwagon. Instead, I’m focusing on eating regularly and intentionally. No more starving myself during the day and bingeing at night. I’m going to plan meals that actually fuel my body, but I’m also leaving room for the occasional slice of cake because life’s too short to skip dessert.

3. Check In With Myself: This one is big. I’m going to get back to those journal prompts, even if it’s just writing one sentence about how I’m feeling or what I’m grateful for. It’s not about perfection; it’s about creating space for reflection and growth.

4. Give Myself Grace: There will be days I screw up. Days I eat the damn pizza or skip the walk or forget to journal. And that’s okay. The goal isn’t to be perfect; it’s to keep showing up, no matter how many times I fall down.

An Invitation to You

How did your January go? Maybe you crushed your goals, or maybe you’re like me, sitting here with a long list of things you meant to do but didn’t. Wherever you are, I want to invite you to join me in making February a fresh start. Not a perfect one, but a real one. Let’s set small, realistic goals. Let’s celebrate the wins, no matter how tiny. And let’s give ourselves grace when we fall short.

Psalm 46:1 says, “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” That verse is my anchor right now, because let’s face it—life is hard, and we can’t do it alone. But we don’t have to. Jesus is with us in the struggle, and that’s what keeps me going.

So here’s to February: to new beginnings, messy progress, and showing up for ourselves and each other. Let’s do this together, one step at a time.

Madge

Balancing It All: A Journey Through Faith, Family, and Fulfillment

Life isn’t just a juggling act; some days it feels like trying to hold back a tidal wave with a paper cup. Being a mom, a grandma, a wife, a sister, a child, a friend, a multiple business owner, and holding down a full-time job is more than overwhelming—it’s soul-crushing at times. There are nights when the weight of it all drives me to my knees, not in some poetic prayerful way, but in a raw, messy, I-can’t-do-this-shit-anymore kind of way. And even in the chaos, even in the unfiltered mess, there’s Jesus—patient, unwavering, and probably shaking His head at my antics.

When the Waves Crash

Some days, I’m drowning. As a mother, I ache to be everything my kids need. From last-minute school projects to being their emotional safety net, I constantly wonder if I’m giving them enough. As a grandma, I want to leave a legacy of love and wisdom, not just cookies and story time—although those moments are pretty damn great too. As a wife, I’m fighting to keep my marriage alive when exhaustion and miscommunication feel like constant companions.

Then there’s my job, where deadlines pile up like mountains, and my businesses, where every decision feels like it carries the weight of the universe. And let’s not forget trying to show up for my parents, siblings, friends, and whoever else needs a piece of me. Meanwhile, the person who gets left behind the most? Me! I put myself on the back burner so often, I’m not even sure what’s left of the original dish.

The cracks show in the everyday chaos: when I forget an appointment, leave a task half-done, or lose my shit over spilled juice. The guilt is fucking brutal. The voice in my head is relentless: You’re failing. You’re not enough. You’ll never be enough.

But then, I hear the whisper of Psalm 34:18: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” And damn, do I cling to that. Because it’s okay to fall apart. Jesus is there in the mess, holding the pieces together when I can’t.

The Struggle to Be Everything

It’s not just exhaustion—it’s the crushing pressure of being everything to everyone. The weight of expectations feels suffocating, and the idea of self-care is a cruel joke. Seriously, when am I supposed to squeeze in a bubble bath between meal prep, school drop-offs, and fixing the leaky faucet?

I wrestle with the constant need to justify every minute I take for myself. If I sit down for five minutes, the voice in my head sneers, Lazy much? You should be doing more. More for my family. More for my work. More for everyone who relies on me. And there are days when I can’t keep up. Days when the house is a disaster, emails go unanswered, and my family gets the short end of the stick because I’m running on empty.

But here’s the thing: I’m finally learning that I can’t do it all. I don’t have to. My job isn’t to be perfect; it’s to show up, messy and human, and trust that God will fill in the gaps. And believe me, He does.

Leaning on Faith

My relationship with Jesus isn’t some pristine, Instagram-worthy thing. It’s raw, real, and riddled with expletives. When I’m at my lowest, I don’t offer Him poetic prayers—I scream, cry, and sometimes cuss Him out. But you know what? He can handle it.

Matthew 11:28 says, “Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” And that’s what keeps me going. On the days when I’m barely holding it together, I hear Him whisper, You’re not supposed to do this alone. His grace is my lifeline, pulling me back when I’m on the edge of losing it.

When I feel like I’m not enough, Jesus reminds me that I don’t have to be. 2 Corinthians 12:9 says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” So, I lean into that—into Him—and I keep going, one chaotic step at a time.

Redefining What Matters

I’m done chasing the bullshit version of success. It’s not about spotless countertops or perfect schedules. It’s about surviving the day with a little love, a little laughter, and a lot of grace. It’s about finding joy in the chaos: a dance party in the kitchen, a burnt dinner that turns into takeout, or a stolen moment of quiet with God.

I’m learning to celebrate the wins that matter: showing up for my family, forgiving myself when I fall short, and leaning into the messy, beautiful life God has given me. Proverbs 3:5-6 reminds me, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” I’m finally starting to believe that I don’t need to have it all figured out—God’s got me.

An Invitation to the Overwhelmed

If you’re reading this and feel like you’re barely keeping your head above water, let me say this: You’re not alone. Life is hard as hell. It’s messy, exhausting, and unrelenting. But it’s also beautiful, redeeming, and full of grace.

Our Jesus isn’t asking you to have it all together. He’s not waiting for you to clean up your act or get your shit together. He’s just asking you to come to Him, as you are, and let Him carry the load. Psalm 46:1 says, “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” And damn, do I need that reminder daily.

So, let’s stop pretending we have it all figured out. Let’s be real about the mess, the struggle, and the grace that gets us through. Take a deep breath, hand over your burdens, and trust that you are enough—even when you feel like you’re not.

Let’s walk this journey together, one unfiltered, grace-filled step at a time.

Madge

Battling the Storm: The Raw Truth About Anxiety, Depression, and Faith

This week has knocked me flat on my back. Anxiety and depression have come roaring back into my life, leaving me feeling completely overwhelmed and sidetracked. Every day is a battle, and my mind races with relentless worries and dark thoughts that feel impossible to escape. It’s like I’m caught in a relentless storm, and no matter how hard I try to navigate through it, I’m tossed around by waves of despair.

One of the hardest parts of this struggle is the aching disconnect I feel from Our Jesus. I know I should be leaning on Him, but in those moments of darkness, I find it incredibly hard to reach out. I scream into the void, wondering if my prayers even matter or if He’s listening at all. It’s like I’m screaming for help while being swallowed by the chaos around me. The comfort that faith promises feels just out of reach, and I’m left grappling with my pain alone.

And then there’s my husband. He’s my rock, my partner in this wild ride of life, but I can’t shake the feeling that my struggles are just piling more weight onto his shoulders. He doesn’t need me to add more to his plate. He’s already dealing with his own challenges, and here I am, drowning in my turmoil. It breaks my heart to think that my battles could create a rift between us. The truth? He’s not the easiest person to communicate with when I’m feeling this way. I try to open up, but sometimes it feels like I’m speaking a different language. I feel guilty for burdening him, yet I’m desperate for understanding and support. It’s a messy cycle of needing support but fearing I’m just adding to his stress.

In these moments, I often find myself lying in bed, staring out the window at the passing cars. It’s a strange comfort, watching the world move by while I feel stuck in my own head. There’s something oddly satisfying about it, like a brief escape from the chaos within. I can lose myself in the rhythm of life outside, wondering where those cars are headed, what stories they carry. It’s hard to explain, but in those moments, I feel a sense of connection to something bigger than my own struggles. It’s as if the world is still turning, even when I feel like I’m standing still.

But then the guilt creeps back in. Shouldn’t I be doing something? Shouldn’t I be fighting harder against this storm? The guilt only adds another layer to my mental struggle, making it feel even heavier. I know I should be pushing through, but sometimes lying there, just watching, feels like all I can do. 

It’s a vicious cycle. One moment, I might catch a glimpse of hope, and the next, I’m buried under a mountain of self-doubt and negativity. I know I should be clinging to the promises in scripture, reminding myself that God’s love is unwavering. I’m reminded of Matthew 11:28-30, where Jesus says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” It’s a beautiful promise, yet in those dark moments, it’s hard to believe that truth. I question my worthiness, wondering if I’m too broken for God to mend me.

The truth is, I’ve started to realize the importance of not just keeping my struggles bottled up. I need to share what I’m going through, even when it feels like a heavy burden. My friends and family remind me that I’m not alone in this fight and that it’s okay to be raw and real about my struggles. They remind me of God’s promises, reigniting a flicker of hope that’s often overshadowed by my fears.

I’ve begun to find solace in the small things. Whether it’s diving into the Word, journaling my chaotic thoughts, or simply sitting in silence and breathing deeply, I’m learning to carve out moments for Jesus. These practices may seem small, but they’re my lifeline, pulling me back from the edge when the storm feels too fierce.

This journey through anxiety and depression is messy, raw, and downright exhausting. It’s not a neat or tidy path, but it’s mine, and I’m learning to embrace it. Amidst the chaos, I’m finding moments of connection with Our Jesus, even when it feels like He’s far away.

So, if you’re in the thick of your own storm, know that it’s okay to be real about your struggles. Let’s lean on each other, remind ourselves that we don’t have to face this alone, and trust in God’s plan, even when we can’t see it. Together, we can weather the storm, holding on to faith as our anchor, and maybe, just maybe, we’ll find a little peace along the way.

Have faith over fear with me!!

Madge

A Scripture That Resonates: 1 Peter 5:7 – "Cast All Your Anxiety on Him Because He Cares for You"

"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."
— 1 Peter 5:7 (NIV)

If I’m being brutally honest, there’s one verse I keep coming back to whenever life feels too heavy, when my mind is racing, and the weight of everything around me starts to crush me. It’s 1 Peter 5:7. This verse has become my anchor when the storm hits. It’s my reminder that I don’t have to carry the world on my shoulders, and that I’m not in this alone.

You know that feeling when everything just piles up—work, family, your own expectations—and you’re stuck wondering if you’re ever going to come up for air? Yeah. This verse is my lifeline in those moments. It’s not just a cute phrase or a comforting word; it’s a truth I need to remind myself of daily.

“Cast All Your Anxiety”

Here’s the deal: anxiety is relentless. It’s the thing that wakes you up at 3 a.m. with your heart racing, the thing that makes you feel like you’re carrying a hundred-pound weight in your chest. It’s the constant what ifs, the mental hamster wheel of worst-case scenarios, the fear of failure or disappointment. It doesn’t just live in your head—it seeps into your body, into your energy, into your relationships.

And the world? The world wants you to manage it. It tells you to "deal with it" and "keep it together." But you can’t. You’re not meant to. You’re not supposed to carry all that weight. This is where Peter’s words cut through the noise: “Cast it.” Not manage it. Not live with it. Cast it.

That word cast is a game-changer. It’s not just a gentle “let go.” It’s a throw—a sharp, deliberate release. Like you’re saying, “I’m done. I’m done holding onto this. It’s too much. It’s not mine to bear.” And you throw it away. Gone. Done.

How often do we keep our anxiety like a badge of honor, thinking we have to handle it all ourselves? We were never meant to do that. The verse is a direct call to release it. To let it go.

“On Him”

Here’s where it gets even more powerful: “Cast it on Him.” Not just into the universe. Not into some generic, “Let it go” vibe. You’re casting it on Him—on Jesus. And that’s the game-changer. Because when you cast your anxiety on someone, it matters who that someone is.

We’re talking about Our Jesus, who didn’t just read about suffering—He lived it. Betrayal, pain, loneliness, rejection. He knows what it feels like to be crushed. To be overwhelmed. When you throw your anxiety on Him, you’re giving it to someone who actually gets it. He isn’t some distant figure detached from your struggles. He’s right there in the mess with you, saying, “I understand. You don’t have to carry that anymore.”

He wants to take it. Not because He’s some superhero, but because He cares.

“Because He Cares for You”

And this part—this part really gets me every single time. “Because He cares for you.” It’s not just that He can take it. It’s that He wants to. He cares. He cares about your anxiety, your fears, your stress. He doesn’t shrug it off or think, “You should be stronger by now.” He cares enough to say, “Let me take this from you. You don’t have to carry it alone.”

That’s powerful. It’s personal. God doesn’t just care about humanity in the abstract. He cares for you. He’s not indifferent to your struggles. He’s not saying, “Figure it out.” He’s saying, “Let me help.” And to me, that’s the most comforting thought in the world.

How This Influences My Week

This verse isn’t just something I “feel nice about.” It’s my battle cry when life gets heavy. It’s the truth I cling to when anxiety starts to creep in. And this week, I’m leaning into it harder than ever. 

Here’s how I’m making it real in my life:

• First Thing in the Morning: The minute my eyes open, I’m not letting my mind spiral into the never-ending to-do list. I’m taking a moment to cast my anxiety on God. I’m starting the day with a release, not a burden.

• When the Pressure Hits: Life throws pressure at you—deadlines, relationships, the constant hustle. When that pressure starts to build, I’m reminding myself that I don’t have to carry it. I’ll stop, breathe, and say to myself: “This is His to handle, not mine.”

• Letting Go of Control: If you’re anything like me, you want to control everything. Every outcome. Every conversation. But this week, I’m letting that go. I’m reminding myself that I can’t control everything, and I don’t have to. I’m giving up my need to micromanage and trusting that God’s got it covered.

• Living in His Care: Anxiety lies and tells me I’m alone in my struggles. This week, I’m going to tell it to shut up. I’m reminding myself that I’m not alone. God cares for me. He cares for you too. And I’m going to breathe that truth in every time the stress creeps up.

You Don’t Have to Carry It Alone

So, let me ask you: What are you holding onto right now? What’s weighing on your heart? Whether it’s worry, stress, or anxiety, take a second to just cast it. Release it. You’re not meant to carry it. You were never meant to.

This verse is a direct invitation to stop carrying what wasn’t meant to be ours. Let go. Hand it over to the One who can handle it. Not because He’s distant or uncaring, but because He cares for you more than you could ever fully understand.

So, take a breath. Let it go. Trust Him to carry what you can’t.

🎄A Special Shoutout to acknowledge Serbian Christmas🎄

Before I wrap this up, I want to take a moment to give a special shoutout to my “Nacho Average” husband and everyone celebrating Serbian Orthodox Christmas on January 7th!

This holiday has become such a cherished part of our lives together, and this year it feels even more special as my husband is reigniting his faith journey. It’s like he’s rediscovering his roots. What’s truly beautiful, though, is how we’re working to find common ground with our different spiritual journeys. We’re learning to embrace our differences with love and respect, while always celebrating what unites us—our shared values, our love for each other, and the traditions we hold close to our hearts. It’s a reminder that, no matter where we each are in our faith, we’re stronger together, finding harmony in the love we share and the paths we walk.

For those of you wondering why the difference in dates, here’s the scoop: the Serbian Orthodox Church follows the Julian calendar, which is 13 days behind the Gregorian calendar that most of us use. So while most of the world wraps up their Christmas festivities on December 25th, my husband and his family (and many others) get to keep the Christmas spirit alive just a little longer, with the big day falling on January 7th.

It's such a beautiful reminder that even though traditions may differ, they all point to the same message of love, hope, and faith. So, to my wonderful husband and to everyone celebrating Serbian Christmas, I wish you all a very Merry Christmas! May your celebrations be full of joy, peace, and a deep, renewed sense of God’s love. ✨

"Srećan Božić" (Merry Christmas)

Here’s to faith and tradition! ✨

Madge

Life: A Gift, Not an Accomplishment

As I sit here, the rhythmic sound of keys clicking on my laptop, I’m hit with the realization that life is not a monotonous checklist or an endless race to nowhere; it’s an electrifying gift we often overlook. Tonight's church message was a wake-up call, reminding me to embrace gratitude and find joy in every moment. It echoed the powerful words from 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18: “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

Tonight was a pivotal moment for my daughter as she stepped into a new church for the first time. This journey of finding her spiritual home has been nothing short of an adventure, filled with twists and turns, courage, and a fierce desire to connect with God. Watching her navigate this path has been inspiring—she’s not just following the crowd (not even her Mama); she’s carving her own way, and that takes guts!

What made this night even more unforgettable was having my best friend decide to join us at the last minute. Together, the three of us formed a powerful trio, ready to embrace whatever came our way. While my daughter was filled with excitement about the experience, I could see that both she and my friend were grappling with their own struggles and uncertainties about the message being shared. Despite their reservations, the warmth of the moment was undeniable. I want them both to feel that Jesus is right beside them, ready to ignite their spirits. “Don’t just go to church—be the church.” It’s about living our faith boldly and nurturing a community that thrives on love and grace, even as we navigate our questions and doubts together. I pray that my daughter and friends' curiosity will continue to grow and that they’ll find the strength to explore their faith further, discovering the beauty and depth that comes with it.

I refuse to impose my beliefs on them; this journey has to be their own. It’s about discovery, passion, and the raw connection they’re forging with their faith. I can’t wait to dive into this experience alongside them, witnessing the magic of faith unfold. Tonight is the spark that could ignite their hearts and set them on a powerful path—one filled with warmth, excitement, and a newfound sense of belonging.

But let’s be real—this journey isn’t easy. For many, including myself at times, the path is fraught with struggles and doubts. Prayer is essential in this process. It’s our lifeline, a powerful tool that connects us to Our Jesus and provides guidance when we feel lost. In the throes of difficulty, it’s easy to wonder why we face such challenges. But as tonight’s lesson reminded us, we must learn to rejoice in those struggles too. Each hardship is a lesson from Him, shaping us and teaching us resilience.

Today's journal prompt asks, “What have your challenges taught you about faith?” This question is crucial for anyone still finding their footing in their relationship with Our Jesus. It’s a reminder that even in the darkest moments, there is light to be found—growth to be seized. Acknowledging our struggles isn't a sign of weakness; it’s a testament to our journey and the strength we gain from it.

So, why should we give thanks? From a Christian perspective, gratitude is fundamental for several reasons:

• Acknowledgment of God’s Sovereignty: Giving thanks recognizes that God is in control of our lives and that He has a purpose for every situation we encounter. It’s an act of faith that reinforces our trust in His plan.

• Fostering a Grateful Heart: Regularly expressing gratitude cultivates a heart that recognizes blessings, even in tough times. It shifts our focus from what we lack to what we have, aligning our perspective with God’s abundant grace.

• Building Community and Connection: Thankfulness fosters unity within our community. When we express gratitude, we encourage others to do the same, creating a culture of appreciation and support that reflects Christ’s love.

• Deepening Our Relationship with Jesus: When we give thanks, we engage in a conversation with God, acknowledging His goodness and faithfulness. This strengthens our relationship and draws us closer to Him.

• Reflecting Christ’s Attitude: Jesus exemplified gratitude throughout His life. From giving thanks before breaking bread to expressing appreciation for His followers, we are called to mirror His attitude in our own lives.

It’s all come full circle tonight. As I use this blog to guide others on their faith journey, I am reflecting on my own growth and the spiritual lessons I’ve learned along the way. Prayer becomes a source of strength, a reminder that we’re never alone on this path. The struggles we face, while daunting, are an integral part of our story, adding depth and meaning to our relationship with Our Jesus.

In the chaos of life, it’s easy to forget that every moment is a celebration waiting to happen. Whether it’s the thrill of shared experiences, the laughter that fills the air, or those quiet moments of reflection, each one is a reminder that life is a vibrant tapestry woven with joy and gratitude.

So, let’s break free from the mundane and embrace the wild ride of life! Life isn’t just about checking off boxes; it’s about living fully and passionately, celebrating the gift of each day! Here’s to seizing the moment, cultivating gratitude, and shining fiercely in this world!

Remember to rejoice always, pray without ceasing, and give thanks in every circumstance.

Madge

Taking a Break: The Raw Reality of Family Demands and How They’re Messing with My Life

Let’s cut to the chase. Life can be a brutal balancing act, especially when family demands start to feel like a noose tightening around your neck. I’m hitting pause on my usual journal prompts to dive deep into this struggle because it’s real, it’s raw, and it’s draining me.

The Weight of Expectations

Family is supposed to be a support system, right? But when you’re constantly bombarded with expectations—both spoken and unspoken—it can become suffocating. The guilt of saying "no," the feeling of obligation to attend every family event, and the pressure to be the emotional rock for everyone else weighs heavily on me. It’s like being in a never-ending game where the rules keep changing, and I’m left scrambling to keep up.

I love my family, but let’s be honest: sometimes, it feels like a full-time job, and I’m the one getting burnt out.

The Daily Impact

Here’s how these family demands are messing with my day-to-day life:

⏰Time Constraints⏰ My schedule is a chaotic mess, crammed with family obligations that leave little room for anything else. Self-care? Forget about it. My own needs are packed away like an afterthought while I sprint from one obligation to the next.

😭Emotional Exhaustion😭 I’m running on fumes, stretched thin by the constant juggling act. Trying to be everything for everyone is emotionally draining. I’m left feeling depleted, and it’s affecting my mood and motivation.

🙇‍♀️Increased Stress Levels🙇‍♀️ The anxiety of meeting everyone’s demands is crushing. I’m constantly worried about disappointing someone, feeling guilty about wanting some alone time, and drowning in the chaos of family commitments. It’s a relentless cycle that I can’t seem to escape.

Finding Balance

So, what’s the game plan? I’m starting to claw my way back to some balance, and it’s about time. Here’s how I’m trying to regain control:

Setting Boundaries: It’s hard, but I’m learning to say no. I need to prioritize my well-being, even if it means disappointing others. It’s not selfish; it’s necessary.

Prioritizing Self-Care:  Self-care isn’t just a luxury; it’s a lifeline. Whether it’s diving into a good book, hitting the gym, or just zoning out for a bit, I’m making room for what keeps me grounded. (I'm writing this as I wait for my box color to work its magic on my gray hair—talk about multitasking and self-care, right?)

Open Conversations: I’m done pretending everything is fine. I’m getting real with my family about how I’m feeling. It’s messy and uncomfortable, but honesty is the only way to create understanding and support.

Finding Strength in Scripture

In the midst of this chaos, I find myself turning to Scripture for strength. Here are a few verses that resonate deeply with me:

• Philippians 4:13 - "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  

   This keeps me anchored. Even when I feel overwhelmed, I know there’s strength beyond my own.

• Matthew 11:28-30 - "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."  

   This promise is a breath of fresh air. It reminds me that it’s okay to seek refuge and rest when life gets too heavy.

• 1 Peter 5:7 - "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."  

   This verse is a reminder that I don’t have to carry this burden alone. I can let go and trust that I’m cared for.

• Psalm 46:1- "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble."  

When everything feels chaotic, this verse reassures me that God is always there, ready to provide strength and support.

A Reminder for Your Own Journey

For those of you who need a reminder of today’s Jesayn.com journal prompt - Because I’m that person who can’t completely drop the ball on you - here it is: 📓How can you incorporate daily moments of gratitude towards God in your life? List three things you’re thankful for today.📓

Gratitude can be a powerful tool in shifting our perspective and grounding us amidst the chaos. If you’re looking for a little inspiration, check out my Facebook group [here](https://www.facebook.com/share/18WQwcd5ya/?mibextid=wwXIfr) for some of my ideas.

Conclusion

Taking a break from my usual writing to confront the reality of family demands has been eye-opening. It’s messy, it’s raw, and it’s uncomfortable, but it’s necessary. Acknowledging how these obligations impact my routine is the first step toward reclaiming my life.

I’m on a journey to find balance, prioritize my own needs, and lean on faith to navigate this wild ride. If you’re feeling the weight of family demands, know that you’re not alone. It’s okay to step back, reassess, and fight for a life that honors both your family and yourself. Here’s to embracing the chaos and finding strength in the struggle!

Embrace the chaos, shine bright!

Madge

A Call for Prayers: Navigating Grief and Family Trials

Life has a way of throwing unexpected challenges our way, and right now, my husband finds himself standing at a crossroads, overwhelmed by grief and heartache. The storm that has consumed him for months seems relentless, with no signs of easing, and in fact, it feels like it’s only intensifying. His father is currently in the hospital, battling health issues that are beyond our full understanding, leaving us all feeling helpless. Just when we thought the weight of it couldn’t get any heavier, tragedy struck again with the sudden loss of his uncle, adding another layer of sorrow to an already burdened heart. On top of this, his mother is still recovering from recent surgeries, and her healing process has created a whirlwind of worry, uncertainty, and stress. Each day feels like a relentless cycle of emotional and physical exhaustion, and it’s hard to see a way through the fog of it all. The weight of these challenges is not just hard on him—it’s affecting everything, pulling us both into a constant state of worry, sadness, and fatigue.

[This is what I truly believe he’s feeling, even though he hasn't been able to express it in so many words—or perhaps is unable to voice it at all.]  I believe he struggles to fully trust that he can lean on me, or anyone else, for support. His past relationships have left deep scars—times when his vulnerabilities were exploited or used against him—and because of that, he’s terrified of opening up again, afraid that his pain will be weaponized the way it has been before. He feels unable to talk to anyone about the overwhelming weight on his shoulders, and the isolation he experiences in carrying this pain is crushing. He desperately wants to share his thoughts and feelings, to seek guidance or simply to be heard, but the fear of being misunderstood or judged keeps him silent. The silence is deafening, and the frustration of not being able to open up about such a critical part of his life feels unbearable. Despite how much I want to be a safe space for him, that fear of betrayal holds him back, leaving him feeling even more alone in his struggle. 

As I reflect on my relationship with my husband, I can't help but think about how I would have handled things differently before I found my faith in Jesus. In the past, I would have reacted out of frustration, feeling overwhelmed by his struggles and thinking I had to carry the weight of it all. My responses would have been driven by fear and insecurity, and I often found myself adding to the tension instead of helping to ease it. I might have taken his pain personally or tried to "fix" things, only to realize I wasn’t helping. The emotional rollercoaster would leave both of us feeling drained, caught in a cycle of guilt and frustration, where nothing seemed to make things better. I longed to be his rock, but I often felt like I was just another source of stress in his life.

But now, with Jesus at the center of my life, things are different. I've learned that I don’t have to have all the answers or be perfect. I don’t have to carry the weight of our struggles on my own. Our Jesus has become my strength and my guide through the chaos. I’ve learned to lean on Him when I’m unsure, trusting that He will equip me with the patience and wisdom I need to navigate the tough moments. Instead of reacting out of fear, I respond with love, patience, and empathy. My role isn’t to fix everything but to walk alongside my husband in his pain and offer him the support he needs. With Jesus, I am able to be the partner he needs, not because I’m perfect, but because I’ve learned to trust in God’s grace.

There are moments when I feel uncertain, overwhelmed, or unsure if I’m doing enough. But when I turn to God’s Word, I find comfort and strength. Verses like 1 Peter 5:7 remind me, “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” It’s a reminder that I don’t need to carry the burden of anxiety or guilt alone. Philippians 4:6-7 also speaks to my heart: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” This verse reassures me that when I bring my worries and fears to God in prayer, He will give me His peace—a peace that guards both my heart and my husband's heart.

I also find strength in Isaiah 40:29, which says, “He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.” When I feel like I’m running on empty, I remember that God is the one who strengthens me. His power works in me, even when I feel weak or overwhelmed. With Him, I am able to rise above the chaos and be the partner my husband needs.

Through all the messiness, I have learned that with Jesus, there is always hope. Even when it feels like we are drowning in emotions or trapped in a cycle of misunderstanding, I trust that God is with us, guiding us toward healing and growth. He doesn’t promise that things will always be easy, but He does promise that He will never leave us or forsake us. And as I continue to lean on Him for strength and guidance, I am learning how to love my husband in a way that reflects God’s grace, mercy, and compassion.

A Prayer for My Husband:

Dear Heavenly Father,

I lift my husband up to You today. Lord, You know the depth of his struggles and the weight he carries in his heart. I ask that You surround him with Your peace and fill him with Your strength. Help him feel Your presence in every moment of uncertainty and fear. Give him the courage to trust You more deeply and the grace to release the burdens that weigh him down. I also pray for me, that You would guide my heart to be the support and love he needs. Help me to be patient, understanding, and gentle, offering him the comfort that only You can provide. Thank You for being our refuge and strength in times of trouble. We trust You, Lord, and we know that You are with us, leading us toward healing. 

In Jesus' name, 

Amen.

As I continue to grow in my faith and deepen my trust in Our Jesus, I am confident that He will guide me through every step of this journey with my husband. With God at the center of our relationship, we are not only equipped to face the challenges ahead, but we are also empowered to overcome them. His strength will be our foundation, His wisdom our compass, and His love the force that holds us together. No matter what trials we encounter, I know His unwavering presence will sustain us, and His grace will carry us through. With Jesus leading the way, I believe that even in the most difficult moments, there is always hope, always redemption, and always the promise of healing. Together, with God’s love surrounding us, we will rise above any obstacle, growing stronger and more united in Him.

With His Grace guiding us, we will move forward stronger and united.

Madge

January 2025: New Year Renewal with Madge - Daily Journal Prompts for Transforming Faith, Wellness, and Personal Growth

Week 1: Discovering New Beginnings

Bible Verse: Isaiah 43:19 - "See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."

Jan 1: What does it mean to you to prioritize your relationship with Jesus this year? Write down your intentions.

Jan 2: Reflect on a personal challenge you’ve faced. How did it shape you, and what did you learn about yourself?

Jan 3: How can you incorporate daily moments of gratitude towards God in your life? List three things you're thankful for today.

Jan 4: Describe a time when you felt a sense of peace. What contributed to that feeling, and how can you replicate it?

Jan 5: What are your physical wellness goals for this month? How can your faith support these goals?

Jan 6: Write about a scripture or quote that resonates with you. How can it influence your actions this week?

Jan 7: Reflect on the new things God is doing in your life. How can you remain open to His guidance?

Week 2: Building a Foundation of Faith

Bible Verse: Proverbs 3:5-6 - "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."

Jan 8: What does it look like for you to trust in God during uncertain times? Describe a recent experience where you had to lean on Him.

Jan 9: Choose a personal habit you want to let go of. How can you seek Jesus' help in overcoming it?

Jan 10: Reflect on your emotional state today. What steps can you take to nurture your mental health?

Jan 11: Write a prayer asking for clarity and direction in your life. What specific areas do you feel uncertain about?

Jan 12: How can you physically express your faith this week? (e.g., through exercise, nature walks, or participating in community service)

Jan 13: Describe a moment when you felt deeply connected to God. What were you doing at that time?

Jan 14: How can you align your life with God's path this week? Reflect on how to submit your plans to Him.

Week 3: Nurturing Relationships

Bible Verse: 1 Thessalonians 5:11 - "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing."

Jan 15: Who in your life reflects the love of Jesus? Write about how their actions inspire you.

Jan 16: How can you intentionally build deeper connections with others in your community? What steps will you take?

Jan 17: Write about a time when someone supported you emotionally. How did it impact your relationship with them and with God?

Jan 18: What role does vulnerability play in building relationships? How can you open up to God and others?

Jan 19: Reflect on how you can offer support to someone else in your life who may be struggling.

Jan 20: How can you incorporate intentional moments of prayer or scripture sharing into your relationships?

Jan 21: Write about an act of kindness you can perform this week. How can it reflect Jesus’ love?

Week 4: Embracing Growth

Bible Verse: Philippians 1:6 - "Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

Jan 22: What does personal growth mean to you? Identify areas in your life where you’d like to improve.

Jan 23: Reflect on a physical activity you enjoy. How can you use it as a form of worship this month?

Jan 24: Write about a fear you want to overcome. How can your faith help you face it?

Jan 25: Describe your ideal day of emotional and spiritual wellness. What activities would you include?

Jan 26: How have you seen God work in your life recently? What moments have made you aware of His presence?

Jan 27: What does balance look like for you in terms of faith, emotions, and physical health?

Jan 28: Write a letter to yourself from God, offering encouragement and guidance for your journey.

Week 5: Celebrating Progress

Bible Verse: Psalm 126:3 - "The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy."

Jan 29: Look back at your journal entries this month. What growth do you see in yourself?

Jan 30: What is one thing you’re proud of accomplishing this month, spiritually or otherwise?

Jan 31: How can you set intentions for February that continue to prioritize your relationship with Jesus and your overall well-being?