When the Sauce Overpowers the Meat: BBQ, Marriage, and Communication
There’s nothing quite like good BBQ. The smoky aroma, the slow-cooked tenderness, and that first juicy bite—it’s an experience. But if you’ve been around BBQ long enough, you know one hard truth: too much sauce can ruin it.
Now, don’t get me wrong. Sauce has its place. A well-balanced sauce enhances the flavor, giving it depth and a touch of sweetness or spice. But drown that brisket in a tidal wave of sauce, and suddenly, all you taste is sugar and vinegar. The meat—the real heart of the BBQ—is lost.
Marriage is a lot like BBQ. At its core, marriage is about the real, authentic connection between two people—just like great BBQ is about the meat, not just the sauce. And in the same way sauce can overpower BBQ, too much noise in communication can drown out the real heart of a marriage.
The Danger of Too Much “Sauce” in Communication
Ever had an argument where words just keep flowing, but nothing is actually being said? That’s what happens when communication gets doused in too much “sauce.” Maybe it’s sarcasm, defensiveness, passive-aggression, or an overload of emotions that cloud the real issue. The heart of the conversation—the meat of it—gets lost beneath the flood.
Take last night, for example. My husband and I checked out a new BBQ joint and ordered the three-meat combo: half-rack ribs, brisket, and half a chicken. The ribs? Phenomenal. The brisket? Not my thing, but my husband was excited for it—until the presentation threw him off. He liked the flavor just fine, but the way it was served wasn’t what he expected, and apparently, that minor deviation was borderline brisket blasphemy. And then came the chicken—drenched, absolutely smothered in BBQ sauce. Now, we are NOT BBQ-sauce-on-our-chicken people, but we never thought to ask. So, we ate it anyway and, shockingly, enjoyed it.
And then, the ride home. Oh boy. Somewhere between “I still don’t get why they did that to the brisket” and “I swear the sauce on that chicken was thicker than the Bible,” our conversation went sideways. You know the kind—where every little thing that’s been simmering under the surface bubbles over into full-blown saucy disaster. Because let’s be real—sometimes marriage communication is just messy.
Proverbs 10:19 reminds us, “When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.” Sometimes, the best thing we can do in marriage is to slow down, speak less, and let the real message come through. But let’s be honest—I’m still working on that. Jesus, help me.
The Balance of Grace and Truth
Jesus was the master of communication. He spoke truth boldly, but He also knew when to be quiet. He didn’t over-sauce His message; He gave just what was needed to convict hearts and lead people to the Father. John 1:14 describes Him as “full of grace and truth.” Not too much of one or the other—perfectly balanced.
In marriage, we need that same balance. If we pour on all grace and no truth, we risk avoiding the real issues. If we pour on all truth with no grace, we can wound each other unnecessarily. Like a good BBQ sauce, our words should complement, not dominate.
Getting Back to the Heart of It
So how do we keep our marriage communication from being drowned in unnecessary sauce?
Listen more than you speak (James 1:19)
Speak with kindness and wisdom (Proverbs 16:24)
Know when to let things simmer instead of boiling over (Ecclesiastes 3:7)
Keep Jesus at the center—He’s the real flavor that holds everything together
At the end of the day, marriage is best when it’s about the real, honest, unfiltered connection between two people who love each other like Christ loves the Church. I’m learning to bring Him more into my marriage, my friendships, my everything—because, let’s be honest, left to my own devices, I’d be drowning in my own sauce of stubbornness and sass.
Keep the sauce in check, focus on the heart of your relationship, and let the true flavor of your love shine through.
And for goodness’ sake, if you’re gonna sauce up some BBQ, do it right. Balance is everything.
MADGE
